I Feel... Empty

I woke up this morning with a hole in my stomache. I wrapped the bed sheets around myself so no one would see. I knew it would go away, I just had to give it time. I quickly dressed and tightened my belt around myself to stop the bleeding.

No one said a thing to me as I walked into work this morning. I stood up as straight as I could as I crawled past the cubicles of my co-workers, making my way to my desk. As I took my seat in front of my daily paperwork and computer I pulled at my bangs and swallowed a sob before it left my throat. The hole was growing wider and deeper. I blinked a few times and shook my head clear, if I could just focus on my work, it would get better. Numbers and letters swirled through my head 'till midday.

My phone rang halfway into my work day, I looked at the clock, it was noon. I picked up the receiver to answer the phone, "Hello?" It was my mother, asking me to come to dinner that night. As she spoke, telling me of my father's recent troubles at his job, the pain in my stomache sent a wave through me. How could I have forgotten about it? I resolved to check on it after I got off the line with my mother.

In the bathroom of the office, I stood before the mirror. I unbuckled my belt and raised up my shirt. The hole had indeed grown, I clenched my right hand into a fist and pushed it against the middle of my hole. It felt better to have something fill up the space of my partly missing torso. I pushed my fist further in, to see if it went as far back as I suspected. I felt bone, I loosed my fist to grasp the joints that made up my spine, there was no skin behind it. If someone had crouched down to look at my hole straight on, they would know that it was now more of a tunnel with a pole in the middle of the back entryway.

I pulled my shirt back down and threw away my belt, I wasn't bleeding, I didn't need it. I went back to my desk, deciding to skip lunch today, and continued working. The more things I finished, the more things piled up, a never-ending circuit designed to keep me here forever, I suspected.

After work, I went to my parent's house for dinner. They had made some italian dish of noodles, cheese and tomatoes. I wasn't very hungry. We shared pleasant conversation about our daily lives and mutual acquaintenes, and afterwards I drove home. Driving home I listened to the radio, a song was playing about how people touch each other every day without knowing it, and how just one smile can be the a huge difference in someone's life. I didn't like the melody so I changed the station. I mean, a smile? Really? I don't know, I feel so empty, I don't think just a smile could cure me.